Infertility, polygamy, the weight of traditions, the cult of motherhood, the taboo of male infertility, the survival of a childless couple… These are the themes addressed in the book Stay with me written by Ayòbámi Adébáyò.
When I read the synopsis of the book, I said to myself, « I have to read it! » It describes a couple in love, Akin and his wife Yejide who have been married for 4 years and « still » have no children, a second wife arrives at their home one day. Yejide is distraught and tries everything to conceive a baby and save her marriage.
It’s quite rare to have the feelings of a woman who feels threatened by a second wife because she doesn’t have children. Yedije may be a fictional character, but she tells the story of many women. I think it is one of the author’s desires to explore the realities of women, but also men in Nigeria faced with childlessness after a few years of marriage.
In Muslim families that practice polygamy, they always try to sell you pretty stories about co-wives who get on wonderfully. If one supports the interpretation of the verse of the Qur’an that would allow polygamy, selling this wonderful story of the perfect harmony between co-wives is a necessity. Unfortunately, we all know that reality often tells a very different story.
Forced polygamy
The novel is set in Nigeria, West Africa. Polygamy exists in the culture of the country, regardless of religious denomination.
The couple formed by the characters Yejide and Akin are Anglican Christians.
Throughout the book, Ayòbámi Adébáyò describes to the reader the perceptions and feelings of the man and woman as they face life as a childless couple until the arrival of the second wife imposed by Akin’s family. Akin is the eldest son, it is inconceivable that he would not have heirs.
As is often the case in her situations, the person blamed for the childlessness remains the woman, Yejide, a motherless woman, a circumstance that already gives her an inferior status.
Each of the characters considers every possible solutions to offer the baby: traditional remedies for Yejide and an act unimaginable in many ways for Akin.
The injunction to procreate… Towards the destruction of the couple
The pressure to be a mother in Nigerian culture is palpable as we discover the quotes about the value of a woman through motherhood.
From my point of view, Ayòbámi Adébáyò paints a good picture of the range of options available to the childless couple in a context where not being a parent is unthinkable and where infertility is a stigma.
The book I bought mentions a quote from The Economist magazine, « a heartbreaking novel about how the desire to have children can destroy a woman, a marriage, a family. »
I would write that it is a novel about how the need to have a child or the injunction to procreate destroys women, men, marriages and families.
Note
This book, in my opinion, is not suitable for people who are childless by circumstance and in the process of grieving, or who fear triggers such as the description of motherhood or the loss of a child.
Original Text pause lecture : reste avec moi de ayòbámi adébáyò
Translation by Discussions Essentielles and Deep L
About the author
I am a French Muslim author with a passion for Islam. I studied Islam in a traditional and academic setting. My interest in the subjects of childlessness began over 10 years ago.
© Photo credit Joy Deb – Pexels
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