Étiquette : Childless men

QUE RESSENTENT LES HOMMES SANS ENFANT ?

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« J’ai toujours voulu être père: les hommes sans enfant »[1], le récit autobiographique du journaliste enseignant Robert Nurden fait voler en éclat le mythe du désir d’enfant que n’éprouveraient pas les hommes.

Que ressentent les hommes sans enfant ? C’est une question que nombre d’entre nous se posent ; d’autant plus que lorsque l’on évoque les personnes sans enfant non seulement il s’agit surtout d’infertilité, mais le sujet est toujours vu sous l’angle féminin.

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STAY WITH ME BY AYÒBÁMI ADÉBÁYÒ

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Infertility, polygamy, the weight of traditions, the cult of motherhood, the taboo of male infertility, the survival of a childless couple… These are the themes addressed in the book Stay with me written by Ayòbámi Adébáyò.

When I read the synopsis of the book, I said to myself, « I have to read it! » It describes a couple in love, Akin and his wife Yejide who have been married for 4 years and « still » have no children, a second wife arrives at their home one day. Yejide is distraught and tries everything to conceive a baby and save her marriage.

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CHILDLESS MEN AND WOMEN IN THE QUR’AN

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Nowadays, it is easy to think that God made a mistake in letting childless men and women walk on the planet. We can also imagine that those who want children and fail (whatever their conditions) do not give themselves the means to conceive them and that people who do not want them are suffering from a disease still unknown.

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CHILDLESS AND CHILDFREE MUSLIM WOMEN AND MEN, MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD !

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Childless and Childfree Muslim women and men, speak out! Make yourself heard anonymously or not, but let people know how you feel. No one will express it for you. No one can guess if one does not live it.

Family and friends can surround childless men and women; especially women childless by circumstance, without suspecting what they are going through: multiple miscarriages, returning from hospital without the child they carried for months. They don’t know what it feels like to sit in a waiting room in the gynaecological ward next to pregnant women with their partners when you are unsuccessfully trying to conceive a child or are prevented from doing so by illness.

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CHILDLESSNESS IN MUSLIM SOCIETIES

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Have a child or remain one[1]

In a book explaining Islam to children and teenagers it stated that it is the duty of Muslim women to be mothers. I was surprised that the author, a non-Muslim, had grasped what few of us seem to acknowledge openly: that Muslim women are compelled to be mothers, even though it is not an Islamic requirement.

In order to challenge this discourse, we need to examine the  status of motherhood and childlessness within an Islamic framework. How has the Islamic legal system led Muslims to believe that women’s only function is childbearing? This re-examination means re-evaluating the status of motherhood, children and parents, and, to some extent, the role of marriage. It must lead to a reflection on the ethics of reproduction: how far should we support the thinking of obligation to have a child?

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CHILDLESS PEOPLE AND THE EVIL EYE: VICTIMS OR PERPETRATORS?

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Victim of a curse or source of evil eye for parents? Initially considered victims of the evil eye, childless women (the evil eye is often combined with the feminine!) after a certain age, are considered as the transmitter of the curse. They are therefore to be avoided.

In some Muslim communities, conceiving children is an obligation. Many Muslims are convinced that it is a baraka, at best a divine reward. These same people explain the absence of children by a punitive action of the Divine. With this in mind, the family or parents of a newborn child dread visits from a childless woman or a childless man .

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WHEN…OR IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN!

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Should we not turn this «when » into « if » you have children. « if  » instead of «when» would change little girls’ perspectives, it would save them from suffering linked to this « when » . Everything would seem possible for them.

We teach children, especially girls, the role which is  assigned to them as  a good wife and above all, a mother. They must intend to conceive children whether they wish for it or not. Parents, parents’ friends and the girls’ surrouding ensure this intention is enforced by repeating this mantra « when you have children! » which she will hear throughout her life until the end of her reproductive cycle. 

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CHILDLESSNESS AND FAITH

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Interchangeable the words faith and hope are frequently used in crises situations : « have hopes » « keep the faith »

However these express two differents feelings. Hope expresses the expectation of something. Faith is based on trust in someone, in religious context trust in God.

Often in Islamic context, faith means the conviction that everything will be well and that everything will happen for the best for each of us. Nonetheless,having  faith does not prevent  us from experiencing sadness , pain, doubts and anger.

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