Should we not turn this «when » into « if » you have children. « if  » instead of «when» would change little girls’ perspectives, it would save them from suffering linked to this « when » . Everything would seem possible for them.

We teach children, especially girls, the role which is  assigned to them as  a good wife and above all, a mother. They must intend to conceive children whether they wish for it or not. Parents, parents’ friends and the girls’ surrouding ensure this intention is enforced by repeating this mantra « when you have children! » which she will hear throughout her life until the end of her reproductive cycle. 

Formatted little girls

In many countries, young girls are raised to embody the prefect wife and mother. That is why she is in front of the cooker at an early age, taking care of the house before  she can read and write. Young boys are not included in this scenario.

Some teenagers get involved in babysitting in order «to prepare» themself to be a  mother. As a teen, I have often heard «you will see when you have children»   without ever being asked whether I wanted one.

This assumption is an issue for girls who feel at very young age that they don’t want children. Some girls express it cleary as early as seven years old. They obviously come into conflict with the plan established for them. However, they are given a ready-made answer : « you’ll change your mind !»  

The damaging « when »

When you do not wish to have children, this « when » turns into source of conflict with parents, relatives and friends. This «  when » is destructive whenever the body can not bear a child or when conditions are never met to make the wish of having children comes true.

This « when » becomes sources of depression, anger when women have imagined, planned their life around this « when » . Some women have made their carrer choice in line with this « when »  : this profession rather than another in ordre to be more available for early childhood. The famous compatibility with family life.

So when nothing happens, what is left ? Family ? Friends ? Not always : they do not know how to deal with the absence of « when »

This « when » eventually becomes the reason of distance with relatives in order to care for oneself emotionnaly.

The world with « if »

The benefit of « if » is that it leaves open possibilities and above all the impossibility of bearing children is considered, prepared by women and by their surroundings.

Troubles and criticisims infllicted on men and women who are childless by choice or by circumstance would disappear

Who can deny the power of a little word : « if »

Original Text Quand …tu auras des enfants!

Translation by Discussions Essentielles and Deep L

© Photo Credit Karolina Grabowska Pexels

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